You Should Combine Finances with Your Spouse

You should combine finances with your spouse after marriage. One joint account that all wages go into and that all bills are paid from. All necessary expenses should be paid from this joint account using the combined finances of the couple, even if only one person incurred or benefited solely from a particular expense.

Sure, there must be some incredibly niche circumstances out there that could disprove this rule, but I can’t even work through what those outlier scenarios might be. The reason is simple in my mind. After you get married, you’re no longer an individual. The government doesn’t see you as an individual once you’re in a marriage, and neither should you.

You and your chosen spouse have become one entity.

A household all pulling in the same direction is powerful, the benefits multiplicative rather than additive. Financial gains come quicker and easier. Financial risk factors are better mitigated, and the impact of financial losses are dampened. The biggest reason is because household finances working in harmony is the most efficient way to deploy your money in support of your financial goals. And yes, that is precisely how you should view your money once it hits your account. Your money serves a function, always, either building toward your financial success or recklessly contributing to your financial detriment.

Your money serves a function, always, either building toward your financial success, or contributing to your financial detriment.

The benefits of joining finances after marriage are undeniable. That’s why it’s so surprising just how common it is these days for couples to keep money separate. I often hear the phrase “my money” or “his/her money” when referring to individual income inside of a marriage. The better mentality should always be “our money”. If one person got paid, it should be “we” just got paid. Both parties should have equal say in marital finances.

For many years, this was actually the dominant mindset in American culture. It’s only in relatively modern times that couples have decided to keep finances separate. Just a few decades ago, even in two income households, all finances were combined. We could probably dive deep into the potential causes for this shift, but that’s outside the scope of this article. And, really, the reasons aren’t all that relevant to my mind. Because, as I mentioned earlier, there really is no situation where keeping finances separate makes better financial sense. Having said that, in order to discuss the benefits of combining finances, we will have to address at least some of the more common reasons couples choose to keep marital money separate.

#1 Combining finances is unfamiliar

The first, and probably most common, reason people keep finances separate after marriage is because combining finances feels alien. People are trending toward marriage later and later in life, which means on average people are into their second decade of their working lives before deciding to tie the knot. In the 1950s, most couples married in their early twenties. In modern times, men marry on average in their early 30s, while women marry in their late twenties.

This data is telling. It means the practice of combining finances wasn’t as much of a choice as it was the natural thing to do back in the day. Young couples were just starting their adult lives and had a spouse beside them from the start. It would make total sense to combine finances if you’re married from the outset of your working life. Fast-forward to modern times when couples marry a decade later, and that couple has already had that individual checking account for several years. The average person has gone through several dating partners, life events, and should hopefully already be building some individual financial wealth. The idea of shifting to a joint account where new and different bills will need to be paid and multiple income sources coming in could seem overwhelming–chaotic, even.

Shifting to combined finances is far more complicated now than before. But the rewards absolutely outweigh the additional work needed to get things properly set.

Just because it’s difficult doesn’t give you an excuse not to do it.

When you join finances, both partners can take a commanding view of all financial activity. Every expense, big or small, necessary or unnecessary, is right there for both partners to see. You’re not just paying the bill you are responsible for from your separate independent account, but you get to see every bill knocked down by the combined power of both incomes. And when the income funnels into the account, you’re not watching your separate individual income grow. You’re watching the power of your combined household income grow over time.

#2 Independence

There’s no doubt about it, money is at least as emotional for people as it is logical. For many, money equates to independence and self-sufficiency. Sure, that’s true enough for everyone at a base level. But there are plenty of people who view the idea of combining finances with a spouse as a dramatic shift in identity. To do so would translate to giving up a part of themselves, more than they are comfortable with.

For these people, I would recommend an honest look in the proverbial mirror to see if an underlying cause of these thoughts and feelings can be identified. Sometimes it just comes down to learning to trust your partner, particularly in a new marriage. But sometimes these types of trust issues can be a sign that you might be struggling with deeper issues in your marriage You’ve already chosen your person, the person you will walk through life with, sharing all the ups and downs. Finances should absolutely be included.

Really, for couples in this situation, therapy is the best option. I would recommend both marriage counseling where you can work through and unpack some of these things together. And also individual therapy sessions, just to be sure you’re bringing the best version of you into your marriage.

#3 Significant Income Disparity

This last reason just might be the most complicated to navigate. If one partner makes significantly more money, there may be a strong urge to keep the finances separated, usually by the person making the higher income. After all, why should you merge resources and expenses if you make two or three times more money than your spouse? That could seem unfair.

No matter the wage gap, the efficiency gains are still powerful. Say one person made $70K per year and the other made $210K per year, that combined $280K would be more powerful than the $210K alone, particularly when you account for the shared expenses.

This psychological trap. You’re building a life together. Sure, you can protect whatever pre-marital assets you may have come into the marriage with. But, legally speaking, all income earned while married is already considered community property. Your spouse has a right to it. Separating the money does nothing except show that you have not fully committed to your partner.

Only open a joint account and combine finances if you’re legally married

One note of caution, though. I absolutely do not and would never recommend combining finances with anyone other than the person you are legally married to. That scenario is outside the scope of this article, but I feel the need to mention it here. Merging finances with your boyfriend or girlfriend could be disastrous to your financial well-being. You should only ever combine finances with the person you are legally married to. Period.

There, I’ve laid out my case. Go ahead and open a joint account with your spouse. Set both paychecks to direct deposit there. Have all bills paid from this same account. Then you can keep your existing personal checking account (or create a new one) for individual pocket money. This amount should be transferred out from the joint account and be the same for both spouses, and properly budgeted.

If you haven’t already, go ahead and open that joint account and take the next step toward better financial wellness.